What You’re Doing WRONG on Plenty Of Fish

On August 4th, 2012, I signed up for Plenty of Fish.
17 days later, I have 240 messages in my inbox, which means I’ve received an average of 14 messages per day.
This is not due so much to any merit of my own – no particular beauty or wit – but rather the fact that I have a vagina that is attached to a currently live human. Also that I’m not fat. That helps.
One would think that 14 messages a day means that finding the love of my life (or at least a fun romp) would be an easy task, but no. Maybe I’m too picky? Maybe intelligence is what turns me on and the population of PoF would have trouble competing in the same class as a cabbage.

In any case, for my amusement and yours, I went through every single one of those 240 messages and slapped them down in data form so that I can complain more eloquently.

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SC: “Short Compliment.” 
“your beautiful”
r u a model?”
your so pretty why are u on this site lol?”

SG: “Short Greeting”
“Hi how are u tonight?”
“hey”
“whats up?”

IQ: “Interest Question”
“you said you like minecraft, I do too wanna play?”
“do you really like photography? I think it’s super cool, good for you”

GI: “Generic Introduction”
“Hi how are you? my names brian and I like fishing do you want coffee sometime?”
Your pretty, I think you should come off this site and meet me, I’m jeff”

SPD: “Self Promoting Description”
“I’m Jake, I am a down to earth guy who really likes football. I’m crazy if you see me but inside i’m really thoughtful, and I do like reading books.”

O:  “Other nonsense”
“DO YOU LIKE ICE WITH YOUR MILK?”

Out of the 24% of Short Greetings, nearly 10% consisted of between 1-3 words, and the other 14% included the words “how are you doing” in some form or another.

I’ve given up hope on finding somebody interesting on PoF, but I intend to have fun in the meantime.


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